This is my lovely boy, the apple of my eye, my first baby. He filled me with great joy when he was born…he made me a mum, and that has been a big title…a huge one! Not just because it is my role as a mum to teach him a bunch of life lessons, but because it has been me who has had to learn even more to be able to bring him up the way he deserves. There have been many kinds of tears along the way: tears of joy, excitement, frustration, fear, love, lack of understanding, pride…tears of not knowing how to react, what to do, how to help…tears of feeling helpless.
It was a very important day yesterday for our family because we have finally been given his ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis. Autism is not an illness nor bad parenting, it is not caused by vaccines and dedinitely not something I or we have or haven’t done. Autism is a condition which means Antony does and feels things differently to other children. He struggles with communication and expressing what he is feeling, for example if he has a tummy ache or a headache or if he’s just feeling a bit sad. Imagine the impotence of seeing your child complaining because he is in pain but you can’t do anything because, poor little thing, he can’t explain what he’s feeling or where it hurts or the frustration of seeing your child crying and agitated because he can’t explain this or that and doesn’t fully understand reasoning…it’s heartbreaking!
It’s been a few years of difficult times trying to make your little voice come to light, seeing little words, phrases and sentences flourish little by little. His speech is still very tender, and yet he is bilingual…he understands his mami and daddy, it’s amazing how he knows which language to speak according to who he is talking to. It amazes me when I hear him reading and count to 1000 and beyond non-stop. I love his brilliant memory and the happiness he radiates day to day…and those massive cuddles he gives!
I love him more than life itself! I love how clever he is, his joy and his energy…oh how I wish I had at least half that energy! I love him with his obssessions and repetitive behaviours. I pray to God for wisdom, patience and strength (because there are days where tiredness takes its toll!) so that his dad and I can bring him up and guide him throughout his life. I love you, my dear son…sweet boy of my heart! I celebrate who you are and I hope the world can get to see the purity of your soul.